5 More Days

In five days we go to our Immunology appointment. It couldn't come quick enough. I've spent the last few days putting together a detailed, chronological, color coded binder of ALL of Kate's history. After getting her prescription history from the pharmacies, I realized how happy I am to have this appointment. In her 16 month life, she's had over 50 prescriptions. Now keep in mind, 75% of her illnesses have been "viral" which means there is nothing to be done for them. Then figure for every prescription, there was a doctor's visit, not counting the MANY visits without perscriptions. And we wonder why we are broke?!?!?

I took Kate in to the pediatrician last Friday to have her lungs checked before the holiday weekend. The doctor said she sounded worse without the stethoscope and it was mostly upper respiratory. I let her know about the appointment downtown and she agreed that we should get the second opinion. She made it VERY clear that people who need them don't even get appointments with this doctor. She seemed to think it was quite odd it "fell in our laps" too. She recommend we continue breathing treatments to prevent anything for settling. We've been doing that and it seems to have passed. 10 days later, she is still having some fever, but nothing else and she is not NEAR as cranky.

I've grown increasingly concerned over her behaviour lately. Several people have commented on how she seems to feel so bad. She has started having what I can only describe as rages. She gets so angry and will pull her hair, bite, scream, or hit. One day last week she did this for almost two hours and at one point even ripped off all her clothes, diaper included. She surprised herself, in that she didn't know she could take her own shirt off. It worries me that either, A) her meds are causing this behavior or B) she really feels that bad. I'm afraid it's going to become who she is.

I am a worry wort. It's something I've struggled with my WHOLE life. I am SO thankful that this appointment has been given to us, but on the other hand, I'm worried. I can see two "logical" reasons that this appointment would have "fallen" in our laps versus the March 2010 appointment, when there are many others that could probably use it more than us. Reason 1: There is some piece of information that we are missing that could be important for Kate's health now. This scares me. It scares me that maybe God thought this was big enough that it needed to be dealt with now. Reason 2: God knows what a worrier I am and is sparing me (and my family) from having 7 months of worry. The truth is it doesn't matter what the reason is for the appointment, God is in control and has a plan and I have to learn to sit back and wait for Him. I know that God holds Kate in the palm of His hand and there is NO other place I would have her (or the rest of us) be.