The last few weeks have been difficult at best around here. We've had all of Leah's many appointments and countless tests, physical therapy twice a week, dance once a week and interviews for play therapists. We've had all the little pieces of information from each of these things to chew on and the lack of answers to process. Kate had pneumonia, sinus infections and bronchitis all at the same time. Glenn has had a rough month at work. Leah started first grade and with that came some adjustments to her schedule and day so that she doesn't get so warn out. Kate started school for the first time. I started teaching two days a week to help pay for the above list of things. Our van was hit while parked in addition to having 4 current recalls on it, our camera was destroyed, a 35 foot limb fell out of a tree barely missing our house, the suv has been having issues, the dryer broke, our bank account got hacked and drained. Things at the shop have been ever so busy and we've had some very stressful situations out there. We switched companies for our auto and home insurance and have had some major difficulties with that. Our medical insurance was changed and we had two weeks notice on it. Not only will our premiums go up significantly, our deductible will run from October to January and then reset. On top of that, we will have to pay for ALL of Leah's therapies at 100% up front until we meet our very high deductible. This means her therapies will come to a halt from October to January and even after January we will have to cut them back significantly.
This week felt like it hit a peak. Monday I spent the entire day, 6:00 am to 5:30 pm, taking Leah to appointments, with Kate in tow. I was tired, cranky and so incredibly rude to my kids. My tone and attitude was horrible and I just wanted to crawl in a hole. By Tuesday, all of the strong facade I had faded away and I was a big bumbling mess. I haven't cried that hard in a long time and while it was extremely embarrassing, it was also cleansing. As a mother, I feel like I have to keep my cool and keep everyone else strong and together. I tend to bottle stuff up and I don't let myself go "there" very often. I know better, but it is too easy to slip back into the old habit. I think part of me is afraid if I go "there" that I will not be able to get out of "there".
The last few months I feel like Satan has hammered us with temptation, stress and heart ache. I feel like he's attacked our kids, physically and emotionally, he's attacked our marriage and he's attacked our stuff (cars, house, bank account, etc). By Wednesday morning, when I found out about the bank account, all I could do was laugh. I laughed because it seemed so obvious he would hit whatever we had left. I laughed because whoever drained the account picked the wrong account, as it was on it's way to empty already. I laughed because I didn't know what else to do.
With the exception of our kids and marriage, every single one of these things are little things involving material possessions that really don't matter. Normally I could handle any of them, but it seemed to have become a daily thing. For a while it felt like we were a sponge being rung out everyday. Eventually we'd soak up some more moisture only to be rung out again the next day. By Tuesday, I felt more like a dry sponge. Every ringing out brought tearing and cracking and it seemed each time hurt worse. At small group that night, we took turns praying over each other.
Wednesday morning is when we discovered the bank account, but as the day went on, blessings surrounded us. Glenn had some breakthroughs at work. A dear friend brought lunch (and dinner) over for us and visited for several hours. We received not one, but two financial blessings that we did not expect at all. Both were from sources unaware of the situations we were going through and both had been written previously, but not delivered until Wednesday. Had they arrived when they were written, they would have been stolen with the rest of our money. God is always faithful and His timing always perfect.
Being able to see these blessings has renewed both of our spirits. Nothing significant has changed about any of these issues, but it was enough to put something back in the sponges. God's blessings surround us, even when they are difficult to see. The van was hit, but is still drivable and no one was injured. Our cars need repairs, but we have not one, but two cars. Our insurance is all messed up, but we have insurance and live some place with top notch health care. Our house was not damaged by the tree. Our camera was replaced. We have the ability to see doctors and therapists and to buy medicine. I could go on and on. We are truly blessed even in the worst of weeks. Thank you God for your blessings and for fresh eyes to see them! Please help me focus on the blessings more and the daily stuff less.