I Am Not Sure

Last Wednesday we ventured out to a Tax Day Tea Party.  I'll be honest.  I didn't listen to any of the speakers and didn't have a clue what was happening most of the time.  It was neat to see so many people standing up for their beliefs.  It was a gorgeous night and we met up with friends and family and I thoroughly enjoyed being out in the fresh air and visiting after being isolated the past few weeks.  On the way there, our van started acting up.  It felt like it was running out of gas despite having a full tank.  The check engine light came on so I took it to the dealership on Friday morning.

We had a low key weekend.  I tried to get a few things done for Kate's birthday party.  We did make it to church, but skipped class.  Kate has been feeling pretty good.  This morning I took her back in to get labs drawn one last time to make sure her ANC was coming back up.  The office was packed.  We sat in the hallway for over an hour waiting to be seen.  Her white blood count hadn't changed at 4.9 (5-15 is normal).  This kiddo refuses to be "normal".  We would really like to see this get higher, but it isn't too terrible.  Her ANC was up from 860 to 2200.  This is very good, as normal is considered 2000-8000.  We would still like it to come up some, as well, but it's heading in the right direction.  Her mono test came back negative and we still haven't received her immune deficiency panel results.  

The doctor gave her a quick once over since we were already there.  Kate woke up sounding a tiny bit hoarse, but with all the allergens in the air, who isn't.  Well, the doctor heard some wheezing and some junk in her chest and thought it would be best if we had it checked with an x-ray.  I packed up the girls and headed across the street to the hospital.  We unloaded and headed in.  Kate pulled her band-aid off for the second time and bled all over her, the counter and me.  They finally put a sports wrap on it to keep the band-aid on.  We then found out that they didn't take our insurance.  Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but we had been sitting at the doctor's office for over two hours and since I didn't have my van, I didn't have a stroller or back pack or anything.  My arms were very sore.

At this point it was 12:45, so we opted to get some lunch before heading to the hospital.  We got there and checked in, only to be told we could go through Texas Children's in the next building (and 3 floors up) and it wold go quicker.  We went, registered and checked in and had a short wait there.  The tech took two chest x-rays and checked to make sure they turned out.  I asked her if she saw anything and got the standard, "I don't read the x-ray" answer and we went on our way.  We headed down to the rental car company, who took us back to the dealership to pick up our van.  We got home around 3:00, I nursed Kate, put her down for a nap and called our insurance company to check on some issues.

While I was on the phone the doctor called.  She said that the chest x-ray showed that Kate was getting a new "virus", but that it did not look like pneumonia.  She also informed me that the radiologist, "saw a spot on the part of her arm that was in the x-ray and wants to have it rechecked".  She then wanted to know if we could get back to the hospital this afternoon, before closing to get that done.  I hung up, called Texas Children's only to find out that they close at 4:00.  It was 3:45, but I let them know I would leave immediately if they would promise to see her when we got there.  They agreed and I grabbed Kate from her crib and ran.  We got there a few minutes after 4:00 and got right back since we didn't have to register again.

The tech took x-rays of two different angles of her arm.  She went and checked them to see if they turned out and came back and asked to do another one.  This one was in a different position than the first two.  She checked it and we headed home again.  

I am not sure what "spot" they saw (fracture, tumor, ????).  I am not sure if the third x-ray was because the other 2 looked clear and they wanted to make sure it was from this angle too or if they saw something and needed to get a better look.  Of course, the doctor didn't call tonight, so we wait until morning to hear anything.

I am so unsure of what to do.  Do I keep pushing to see IF there is something going on and WHAT?  Do I sit back and wait to see what else presents itself?  It is so hard to know when to push and when to sit back when it comes to your kiddos.  I do know that God's hand is in all of this, but I have trouble deciphering His voice through it all too.  Did the doctor hear something in her chest so that we would see the x-ray or something that may be the answer or are we on another wild goose chase.

It doesn't help that, by nature, I am a worrier.  I worry about everything.  I am also exhausted and emotional and delirious and frustrated and unsure of things.  And as things currently stand, she losses her insurance in 10 days.  One part of me wants to just leave her totally alone and deal with the viruses as she gets them and the other part of me wishes that they would just stick her in the hospital so that they could run all of the tests, see all of the doctors, etc. in one sitting without the running around, waiting on results and call backs, waiting for what the next test will be.  What to do, what to do....