And I'm an Adult?

Last week was pretty normal. Very busy, but normal. My brother Michael, his wife Hannah and their 4 month old son, Jorge were visiting from Germany. Michael ships out to Iraq for eighteen months tomorrow and we really enjoyed being able to visit with them. Thursday, I worked all day. My mom had planned a farewell dinner at a local restaurant, since Michael and gang were flying out on Friday. L and I hopped in the car and got ready to leave. My youngest brother, J.T. who is 8, came out to see us off. He climbed up on the running boards of the car and held onto the handle inside the car. He has done this hundreds of times. As we rolled to the end of the driveway, he hollered, "I'm gonna jump off". As he was jumping, I was yelling NO. He had on flip flops and all that I saw in the rear view mirror was him tumbling on the ground. I threw the car in park and took off running. By this point, he had jumped off and was running in the house. I got to the house just after him and he was sitting on the couch rocking back and forth and crying. We got ice for his head and tried to get him to settle down a little. Much to my surprise there was no cut or split. I felt HORRIBLE. My mom assured me that he would be okay and they would meet us at the restaurant. We went on our way. I called on our way in to the restaurant and mom said they were going to stay home just so he didn't get bumped or anything.

Thursday night I couldn't sleep. I sat in bed feeling horrifically guilty and worried that J.T. wouldn't wake up if he did go to sleep. I prayed that God would make it really obvious if he needed to be checked out. The next morning I called to check in on him and apparently he had been throwing up all night and was on his way to the doctor. The doctor sent him to a local hospital for a CT scan to be on the safe side. Once they had the CT scan done, they took him by ambulance to the Medical Center in downtown Houston. I was terrified. I started freaking out. What had I done to this poor kid? How could I be so stupid? What on earth was I thinking?

I could tell that my mom was sugar coating what she was telling me because she didn't want me to worry and didn't want my stress level to effect the baby. This only made it worse because I wondered how bad it could be if she was hiding it. I finally called and asked to speak to his pediatrician. She assured me that he would be okay, but he had a skull fracture and a bleed on his brain. I spent most of the morning in a panic and crying. When I saw L on her play phone pretending to sob and carry on about an accident, I decided I had better suck it up. We went to lunch, thinking if I was in public I would hold it together a little better. J.T. wound up staying in the hospital until Monday morning for observation. He is much better, but still has to take it easy. He will go back to the neurosurgeon in three weeks.

I guess I have never really hurt someone like this. I now know that I don't do well handling guilt. I thought J.T. would never speak to me again. How could I do something SO stupid. What type of mother/big sister/adult am I? I could not let it go. I couldn't get over the fact that, as stupid as it was, accidents happen. I thank God that it didn't turn out any worse than it did. I would say it is safe to say, we all learned our lesson.